You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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