If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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