He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
