I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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