I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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