I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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