Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
