I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
