im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
