erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
