is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize