the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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