She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
