If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
