I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
