May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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