We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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