i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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