and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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