You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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