she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
