i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
