Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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