is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
