So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize