Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
