he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
