The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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