Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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