just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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