I'm lost and stupid without you.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
