Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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