she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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