You can't motorboat a personality
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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