he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
