um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
