You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
