I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
