dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Of course I have a pirate flag
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize