Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
