If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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