He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
