In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize