i don't like sucking hair
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
