The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize