I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
