she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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