Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize