Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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