see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
