thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
