She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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