Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
