yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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