My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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