spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
