Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
