So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
