My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
