so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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