dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
