If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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